Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
