just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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