Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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