I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
