He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
