Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
