i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i think i have two assholes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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