I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
