She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
