What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
