I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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