that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
