I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We smell like vodka and hangover
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