No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
