he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
