Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
