I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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