don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
