I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
4 words: hood of his car
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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