This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
