I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
