I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
