He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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