I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
third nipple confirmed
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
