WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
