Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
