i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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