Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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