I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
barbara walters just said penis...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
