Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
