Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
