I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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