the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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