If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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