You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Rumble strips road head = magical
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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