You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize