My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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