I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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