I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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