Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
