if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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