I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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