If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
