wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I had to cum in my sink.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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