its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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