I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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