she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
