i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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