Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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