I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
