I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
