I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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