let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
