This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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