My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
