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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...

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• (619): View more from California

  You fucked that MILF against my car!

  (415): View more from California

  How would you know?

  (619): View more from California

  She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica

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• (949): View more from California

  Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?

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