So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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