i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
