I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i permit you to call me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
