I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
