You can't special order awesome
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
