maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
