Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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