So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
