So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
