Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
