Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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