no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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