her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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