Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
