i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
