i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
