just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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