im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
