mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
