I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
