Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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