Just fell off a train. Bad.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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