How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I lost the right to judge tonight
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
