guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
