He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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