If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
